Lead Baby

After the double-ear-infection, sinus infection goodness (which was preceded by a cold), we found out today (at another trip to the doctors) that poor V likely has another virus. The joys of a toddler winter. Poor kid. He feels good enough to be grumpy -- earlier in the week he just wanted to be held and comforted. Now he likes just walking around grumping at thing, us, the world in general. I try to be sympathetic, but I'm afraid it does wear you down after a while.
Since he doesn't have anything completely horrible, we still try to get out for a little while, even if it is just to the gas station. Just getting out of the house, going for a little drive is helpful for us both. Victor gets to see big trucks, Mommy can get a coffee. Life is good.
I am an extrovert (on the MBTI, I'm a 30 out of 3o on extroversion) so I get antsy if I'm home too much (I've learned). I like to talk, I like to be around people - even if I might seem a little desperate at the checkout line - I'll still chat with people.
I think this is what I realized during my maternity leave - that being at home too much makes me grumpy. While some people love and and thrive on being home (bless you all without a doubt), getting out helps me recharge and refocus. I'm glad I can work the way to do right now. My job is great while I'm there, and I can leave it when I leave. (no grading papers, worries or late night phone calls) If I have to miss a few days, by and large, it's ok. Of course people would like me there but they understand or remember these toddler days. The hardest part - is being kind to myself when the plan falls apart. Like many people, I am much harder on myself than anyone else is. If I were sick, I would drag myself in most likely - but if Victor's sick, it's different. Perhaps I'm still getting used to the change in perspective and priorities? Perhaps it is easier to take care of someone else vs. taking care of myself?
I'm not 100% what it is for sure -- but what I do know is this -- when your kiddo is sick, you take care of them - you patch the rest of life together to make it work so you can get your little one feeling human again.
You make phone calls to feel like a grown up who hasn't watched the same episode of Thomas at least 20 times.
You get Venti because you didn't get to eat breakfast.
You walk up and down the isles because the little one is happy to look around and say "Hi! How are you!?" to everyone we pass by.
You check your email way too many times a day, hoping someone will email you and you'll have to call them.
You bring lunch to your husband and drive the long way there.
You snuggle in during nap time, and savor that little breath on your ear because it's there and you are so glad for it.